There's a strange admission I couldn't articulate for a long time: the CTO/CIO role isn't quite for me.

Not because I "can't do it." I can: build processes, set tasks, form plans, discuss efficiency, distribute work across people, control deadlines, check why someone didn't deliver what they promised. I know how it works. I have experience implementing all of this. And it's precisely this experience that unexpectedly highlighted a simple thing: it doesn't give me energy.

The most unpleasant part isn't even the planning. The most unpleasant part is monitoring people. Not "supporting," not "uniting," not "inspiring" — but specifically tracking whether they're fulfilling their duties, coping, where they're stuck, why they didn't deliver. This is part of the managerial role, and it's unavoidable. And I catch myself thinking that I don't want to do this. I can — but I don't want to.

And here begins the honest question: if this isn't mine, then what is?

Where I've Always Found Myself

If you look at my past projects, I come alive in almost the same place everywhere: where there's a product.

Not "team in general," not "efficiency in a vacuum," not "management for management's sake," but product as a thing that should become understandable, convenient, beautiful, useful. Product as a story: what are we building, for whom, why exactly this way, what scenario does the user live through, where do they stumble, what matters to them.

And if you name this role, product owner is closer to me. Or something nearby: a person who's responsible for the product as a whole — for the concept, for the design, for the meaning, for making the result coherent.

It's strange to admit this because formally I've been "about technology" for many years. But deep down — I've always been about form and meaning. I'm a former art director and designer after all. So it's no surprise that in development I've historically gravitated toward frontend. Frontend is the place where an abstract idea becomes an experience. Into reality. Into something you can touch.

Now I'm often defined as a frontend developer/architect. And perhaps that's true. But if I'm being honest, it's not just about "making architecture" — it's about assembling a product so that it's alive.

Why Management Doesn't Inspire

There's this trap: if you've grown into a manager, it seems like it's the "natural evolution." As if you're obligated to want to manage. As if otherwise it's a step backward.

But in reality, management is a separate profession. And it has daily routines that either give energy or take it away. For me — it takes away.

I can deal with processes, I can optimize, I can explain how to do things better. But at some point I realize: I don't want to become a person who spends most of their time inside an organizational system. I want to be a person who spends time inside a product.

How This Shows Up Even on Weekends

The most honest indicator — weekends.

When I have free time, I don't think about how to improve task execution control. I think about startups. About what can be made. What idea is actually useful. How to package it so that it works for people.

Even at Single Window, I was looking for my place not in "fixing the old" but in making the new. Creating projects that have perspective. And I noticed: this is exactly what inspires me. More than personnel management or choosing technologies.

With technologies it's actually become simpler, especially in AI. The choice there often looks less like a "zoo of frameworks" as in frontend or backend. And there's less and less sense in "reinventing the wheel." What's much more important is understanding what exactly you're building, why, for whom, how it will be used, where the value emerges.

And that's about product again.

Is This "I Found Myself"?

I'm not sure.

Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe I've accumulated fatigue from management. Maybe I'll return to this role. But right now, if you remove titles and labels, I see a very simple picture:

And honestly, it's a relief.

Because finally I can stop pretending to be someone who "likes to manage" and admit: mine is where the product is. Where meaning is. Where design is. Where solutions are. Where you can build something new.

P.S. Misha was right when he once told me: "Anatoly, CTO isn't for you — you're a creator!"